How Can a Parent’s Infidelity Affect the Children?

 Posted on August 23, 2024 in Divorce

It is widely known that infidelity can damage a marriage. While some couples can work their way through infidelity and remain together, at least half of all couples who discover their spouse was unfaithful will divorce. Women are more likely to file for divorce following infidelity by their partners than men. Infidelity can also have financial implications during a divorce and after.

A bitter spouse with a grudge because of a partner’s infidelity is more likely to argue over assets, spousal support, and custody decisions. Clearly, infidelity affects marriage and divorce for adults, but how does a parent’s infidelity affect the children – now and in the future? It is important that you speak to a knowledgeable Naperville, IL child custody lawyer from Law Office of Ronald L. Hendrix, P.C. to determine the best way to address this issue during your divorce.

How Could a Parent’s Infidelity Affect the Allocation of Parental Responsibility and Asset Distribution?

Since Illinois is a no-fault divorce state, an allegation of infidelity on the part of one parent is unlikely to have any effect on the outcome of custody decisions. The court has one goal during the allocation of parental responsibilities which is to make decisions that are in the best interests of the child. Regardless of how a person feels about his or her spouse’s infidelity, the bigger question in this situation is whether the spouse having an affair is a good parent.

So, unless the parent is still seeing the other person and that person is a danger to the child, a judge will probably not consider the affair during the allocation of parental responsibilities. The affair is also unlikely to affect divorce decisions, including spousal support and the division of marital assets. The exception to this would be if the spouse having an affair was also guilty of dissipation of marital assets. In this case, the judge might award the other spouse a larger share of the marital assets to offset the dissipation.

How Could a Parent’s Infidelity Affect a Child Now and in the Long-Term?

While it is tempting to tell an older child why his or her parents are splitting up, it is usually not productive. That being said, children are highly intuitive, making an extra-marital affair harmful, even when the parents do not discuss the particulars. Children notice changes in the behavior of parents and know something is wrong even when they are not told all the details.

It is worth noting that if the family lives in a relatively small town, there is a real risk that a third party will tell the child about the affair. If parents believe this could occur, they should address the issue with the child, keeping details to a minimum and stressing how much the child is loved by both parents.

It is absolutely crucial that the parent having an affair must never ask the child to keep it a secret from the other parent. This type of burden can end up alienating the child from both parents.  Children can feel immense pressure to become the "protector" of the wronged parent, increasing the emotional stress. Some emotions experienced by a child whose parents divorced because of infidelity include:

• Shame
• Loss of trust in one of both parents
• Loss of trust in other people in general
• Confusion
•  Resentment
• Ambivalence
• Academic struggles
• Issues with self-esteem

 Depending on the age of the child, acting out, withdrawing, engaging in self-inflicted harm, and regression may occur. Some studies indicate an increased likelihood of infidelity in adult relationships among children who come from homes where infidelity was present.

Contact a Will County, IL Custody Lawyer to Schedule a Free Consultation

In the final analysis, understanding that marital infidelity does not just impact spouses is essential. When you choose a Naperville, IL custody lawyer from Law Office of Ronald L. Hendrix, P.C., you will benefit from a firm that is exclusively focused on family law. You will receive highly personalized attention as we strive to understand your goals and concerns. Attorney Ronald L. Hendrix is a court-appointed mediator who holds a master's degree in guidance and counseling along with his law degree. Contact Law Office of Ronald L. Hendrix, P.C. at 630-355-7776 to schedule your free consultation.